I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Randomize
