I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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