New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
