Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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