You're a womanizer and a bitch.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
