we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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