letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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