Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
