even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
