That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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