If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
