Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
