I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
