No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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