I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I need a burrito and a hug.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
