Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
