tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
