The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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