I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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