I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
