ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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