I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
