I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We have started to decorate penises.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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