We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
