Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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