She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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