the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
