omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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