She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
