If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
