i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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