Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
