I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
