The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
True strength comes from lack of pants
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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