Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
