it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
