I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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