You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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