the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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