She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
