I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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