saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
