2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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