listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
