Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
