Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
