Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
