p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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