In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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