Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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